What You Need to Know About the Boob Hair


  • To be clear, the Boob Hair is not a hair that grows from the boob. On the contrary, it is a hair that originates from the head of the owner of the aforementioned boobs. 
  • At some point, the hair detaches from the head and migrates south toward the cleavage. This is where the hair makes the transition to official Boob Hair. 


"I know where I'm headed," said the Boob Hair. 

  • The Boob Hair cannot be seen by glancing down the front of one's shirt. Any attempts to locate the Boob Hair in this manner bring out the Boob Hair's defense mechanisms and it becomes transparent. 
  • Reaching into the cleavage to retrieve the Boob Hair only causes it to be more elusive. 
  • While the Boob Hair may strike at any time, it prefers to make its presence known while the victim is standing in a room full of people, on a stage of some sort, or otherwise not in a situation conducive to exploring one's own cleavage. 
  • The Boob Hair is cousin to the Wild Hair. Also dangerous, the Wild Hair travels farther south and prefers to nestle in a different type of bodily crevice. 
Preferred habitat of the Wild Hair. 
  • Boob Hair victims are often identified by their attempts to point across their body, as if unable to turn and face the direction at which they are pointing,  at an imagined object, while moving their arm up and down at the same time. This is all in a futile effort to surreptitiously scratch the afflicted cleavage and/or dislodge the Boob Hair. While this technique has never been effective in the known history of the Boob Hair, victims find themselves powerless and repeat the action, often over the course of several hours. 
If you find yourself the victim of a Boob Hair, follow these steps:
  1. Stop pointing across your body, as if unable to turn and face the direction at which you are pointing,  at an imagined object, while moving your arm up and down at the same time.
  2. Go home.
  3. Disrobe.
  4. Place all clothing into your dirty clothes pile. Do not wear Boob Hair-contaminated clothing again until it has completed a full wash and dry cycle, no matter how much you were hoping to wear that shirt again tomorrow and tried really hard not to sweat so that you could do so. 
  5. Sleep, dream, live a new day. 

One of these fuckers is going to ruin your night. 



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2 comments:

  1. I have longish hair so one would think I would struggle with boob hair, but I don't have that problem. Ass crack hair, however...It migrates to my ass crack EVERY DAY.

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  2. Writing as a guy with an insanely hairy chest, I guess I empathize in some way...maybe...(gosh this is strange)...

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