How to Marry Your Favorite Cartoon Character


When I was little, I was majorly in love with Aquaman. Superman didn't do much for me, but Aquaman? Yeah, I had it bad. It didn't matter that he was a cartoon. That was a minor impediment to our lifelong happiness. Much like I'd hear adults dismiss relationship obstacles with phrases like "age doesn't matter," I'd tell myself that we wouldn't let trivialities like reality get in the way.
Our love would transcend that bullshit.

For a time I worried about the fact that he is Aquaman and I hate water. Again I stole snippets from adult conversation regarding relationships and latched onto "absence makes the heart grow fonder." He'd have his aqualife and we'd rendezvous when he'd come up for air. I had it all worked out.

Fast forward thirty years. I'm married to this guy. Who is constantly obsessed with figuring how we can spend more of our life at the beach, despite the fact that we live in Idaho. He grew up on the water, rowed crew in college, and is addicted to buying me bathing suits. Every time we go out to eat he orders the salmon. Coincidence?


Incidentally, when my husband was younger he had a major thing for Lisa Loeb. So we both got what we wanted, because I basically am Lisa Loeb with a little added insulation, as I like to call it. 

 
Lisa Loeb and me. We're the same, except I can't sing and have more neck than she does. But if you drank a bottle of tequila and squinted real hard, you wouldn't be able to tell us apart.                                       
When I Googled Aquaman recently, which I do on occasion because I'm still obsessed with that sodden, aquatic hunk, I was surprised to learn that a new Aquaman movie is in the works. My husband hadn't told me that anyone had contacted him about starring in the film, which was perplexing. Instead they've cast Jason Momoa. You may know him better as Khal Drogo.

Aquaman? Seriously?
I just want to let the studio know that if Jason backs out, my husband is available, and probably better suited for the role. Here's the proof...


For more on how to marry your favorite cartoon character, check out Off-White.

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