Hugging, Hating, and Other Assaults

Patti at Insane in the Mom-Brain recently posted about forcing a hug on someone who doesn't like hugs. Both Patti and the recipient of the hug were laughing. She even had accompanying pictures and it's pretty apparent that everyone was having a good time. 

I want to hug this baby wombat. I want it bad. 
And then the hate mail began because people with laptops and too much time on their hands have yet to learn that laughter and joy are way more fun than hating. One person likened Patti's actions to rape, another called her a "reprehensible piece of human garbage". She handled this correctly, of course, by ordering herself a mug, bumper sticker, and t-shirt with this phrase, so when people see her coming, they know ahead of time that she's a reprehensible piece of human garbage. 

I'm calling bullshit on the haters. 
If you really thought this was assault, you'd call the cops.

She also received this...

I like the subject line. Much like Patti's forthcoming t-shirt, it lets you know right off the bat that this person is an asshole with too much time on her hands. As for the message, though, I'm confused. Does she want to make Patti famous or take it away? And that last line is such a pathetic attempt to be threatening and creepy. Here's what I have to say to Angela M: If you're a hater, you're automatically not qualified to judge anyone else for their bad behavior. Make sense? Also, you're being a fucking bully. Stop it and go do something nice for the world. 

The hate this person is spewing is far worse than Patti's unwanted hug. (Remember, the recipient of the hug was laughing and smiling).

Most of the time I'm pro-hug. I get that everyone feels differently and try to gauge when to go for the hug and when to just smile awkwardly for a moment, wondering if we'll do it. I'm anti-hug for elementary school students because it's such a boon to the louse population which gives me nightmares and a near constant state of paranoia. 
"I want to hug!"                              "Get the fuck away from me."

I get that not everyone's a hugger. It can be awkward. Should you pat the back or not? And where do you put your boobs? 

I have a friend who is not a hugger. I know this. And yet when I see her, I dive in for the hug. I'm not trying to make her uncomfortable, I just forget until it's too late and I've already invaded her personal space. And she stands there stiff as a board with a strained smile and clenched teeth and suffers through it, and we kind of laugh about it. (You know who you are. I promise I'll try to remember the next time I see you.)

I'm not saying maintaining your personal boundaries isn't important. And I feel fairly qualified to weigh in on the issue. I had a stepfather (now deceased) who always came in for a kiss on the lips. There was no escape from it and it was made worse by the fact that he'd lick his lips before diving in. He did this to me, to my friends, to any female he could get his slimy hands on. And really, this behavior was one tiny example of a shitload of inappropriateness. My one regret from our relationship is that I put up with such creeptastic actions for years. His death put the matter to rest and I learned from him what I will and will not accept. And I'm making sure my daughters don't grow up thinking they have to put up with such douchiness from adults.

Note to adults: We don't get to be assholes to kids just because we're older than them. Bullying a kid and then insisting they respect you is total bullshit. 

Also bullshit: hate mail over a Facebook status. You have so many better options, like "hide post" or "unfollow". If you instead resort to threats and insults, I feel kind of sad for you. You obviously weren't hugged enough as a child. 

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  1. The ones who reacted so extremely are showing they have unresolved issues. They should take those issues to a therapist not dump them on others.